In wedding vows, we promise that we are going to “love”, “cherish”, “support, etc.” our partners through all the ups and downs. It might sound weird to promise “not to use violence” to our partners, probably because people rarely consider themselves capable of getting violent with their significant others.

Although we all dream of a peaceful home, we can shoot word bullets at our loved ones without even noticing. That's why it is crucial to begin by recognizing the bullets.

手心出汗、心跳加速、大脑中却一片空白……很多人在说外语时都有这些紧张不安的表现。尤其是当你忽然被提问，一瞬间无论怎么搜肠刮肚，也找不到合适的词表达。也许你眼前的人正一脸困惑，而你则感到颜面尽失……

对大多数人来说，用母语交流就像吃饭睡觉一样轻而易举，而相比之下，用外语来沟通，真的更费脑子——除了要费尽心思寻找合适的表达方式，还要克服心理上的焦虑。这个焦虑有个专门的词，叫“外语焦虑”（foreign language anxiety，简称FLA)。

Sweaty hands, racing heartbeat, mind going blank, uneasy, nervous, embarrassed… If you speak English as a second language, the above might not sound unfamiliar to you, especially if you are caught on the spot, struggling to figure out what words to use to save your face. Nevertheless, the person in front of you gets more and more confused…

While speaking one's native language seems so natural and easy, trying to command a foreign language requires extra mental resources — finding the right words and calming foreign language anxiety (FLA).

Consider, when was the last time you had a conversation with your doctor, nurse, or therapist about your sexual health? When was the last time they asked you about your sexual health? If you’re like many, it’s possible that you’ve never had this conversation with your provider and/or that they’ve never tried having this conversation with you either.

So the question remains, why is nobody talking about sexual health when it is a crucial component of our overall wellness? And, what are the steps we can take to change that?

Some couples find that they naturally develop rituals like a hug or a kiss when they part ways at the start of the day and when they reunite.  It’s easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of the day, however, so many couples can benefit from developing intentional rituals in their day. One such ritual developed by John and Julie Gottman at The Gottman Institute is known as the “Stress Reducing Conversation.” 

As a therapist, I’m often helping people take steps to initiate hard conversations with someone close to them. I often hear people delay these conversations because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, because they think someone will respond poorly, or because they’ve made an assumption about how the other person will respond. While all of these concerns are valid, avoidance of hard conversations prevents important issues from being addressed and resolved.

This blog will dive into non-verbal communication, or, body language, and the way this can enhance or detract from communication with your child. Awareness around the different elements of non-verbal communication can help set a conversation up for success and build a sense of closeness in a relationship. Strategic use of non-verbals can also enhance the effectiveness of communication and support memory and comprehension.

The phrase “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it'' has become a cliche at this point, but for good reason! There are many factors outside of the actual words being spoken that affect how communication is received. This blog will focus on paraverbal communication.

When you are engaged in communication with someone, you are either receiving information or sharing information. Different situations call for different balancing of these roles. Parenting often focuses on the sending, or speaking, role. In the course of giving directions and reminders, and sharing information we can unconsciously dominate the conversational space. Children are often relegated to the receiving, or listening, role. It is incredibly impactful when you create opportunities for your child to express themselves while offering yourself as an active listener.

How often are you met with a blank stare after asking your child how their day was? Are you tired of getting shrugged off when you ask questions, or knowing you’ve lost their attention when you’re trying to check-in? A desire for connection is at the heart of parent/child relationships, but dysfunctional communication can make us feel further apart than ever. To help close that gap and make you feel more empowered as parents, we’re going to share different strategies to help you build your communication toolkit.

You’ve taken the first step and signed up for talk therapy, and now you’re finding that you’re having a hard time sharing. If this is your experience, just know that you are not the only one. As therapists, we see this quite frequently and know that this lack of sharing can be present for a number of reasons. In this article, I’ll talk about some of the common reasons people have difficulty talking in therapy and some things that you can do about it.

If you’ve signed up for therapy, there’s likely a reason for it. It’s possible that you haven’t been feeling well, that you need support or coping strategies, or that you’re going through a difficult season in life. Despite having made that initial decision to sign up for therapy, people can still struggle to open up and bring up the most sensitive topics with their therapists.

If you’ve ever been in therapy, then you know just how important it is to have a good working relationship with your therapist. A good working relationship often means that you feel comfortable with the therapist, have a good connection with them, and trust that you can share personal information without being judged. A good working relationship also means that there is good communication on both ends.

No one likes to be ghosted, not even your therapist. If you have been thinking about ending counseling services with your therapist but you don’t know how to, consider this before you ghost them.

Ever find yourself in a situation where a person asks something of you, and against your better judgment, you agree to it? For example, a friend asks you to go out to a late-night dinner, but you know you have an important meeting in the morning. You find it difficult to refuse, so you agree to meet with this friend anyway. This could be because you find it difficult to set healthy boundaries with those around you.

Boundaries are the rules or guidelines that we identify to keep ourselves safe and healthy. They help us create order and allow us to be responsible for our own actions, even if they are not always enjoyable. They allow us to identify those limits that are acceptable for ourselves as a way of engaging in self-love and respect.

In a previous blog I talk about blindspots being comparable to having broccoli in your teeth. Everyone but you can see the broccoli in your teeth. The broccoli can be thought of as our off-putting behaviors, the things we do that rub people the wrong way, without our realizing it. Like the broccoli, everyone else but us realizes that the behavior is unattractive. In cases with actual broccoli or off-putting behaviors, there’s a decision to be made. Do I point out “the broccoli” or say nothing at all?

Others around us are able to recognize our unattractive behaviors when we cannot. These behaviors are our blindspots. They are the behaviors that rub people the wrong way and cause friction in our relationships. Eye rolling, defensiveness, being negative or overly critical are just a few examples. In those cases, the people around us are confronted with a decision. Will they bring the unattractive behavior to our attention, so we can become aware of it and work on it, or will they simply decide to walk away and create distance in the relationship?

Years ago I read an article about resentment and how it is created. It talked about our people-pleasing tendencies and how we have difficulty saying no to others’ requests because we want them to like us, want them to be happy with us, and because we simply can’t bear the disappointed response that is sure to follow when we say, no. If you can relate, you may want to read more. Saying yes to make other people happy might be creating the very situation you were trying to avoid.

Gardening and relationships probably aren’t words that typically go together, but if you’ve fallen into certain relationship traps, you just might need to hear this. I talk to so many people who desperately want to have a somebody, but when we start talking about the people in their lives, it becomes abundantly clear that these individuals are not their ideal partners.  One of the things that we ultimately end up talking about is needing to weed their garden. So let’s get started to see if you too have fallen into this same trap and need to do some weeding.