Benefits of Having Hard Conversations With Your Therapist (Especially When It's About Them)
If you’ve ever been in therapy, then you know just how important it is to have a good working relationship with your therapist. A good working relationship often means that you feel comfortable with the therapist, have a good connection with them, and trust that you can share personal information without being judged. A good working relationship also means that there is good communication on both ends.
The reality is that counselors are human which means that we’re not perfect. There are times when we will do or say things that might ruffle your feathers (sometimes on purpose if we’re challenging you and other times unintentionally). There are other times when you’ve met with a therapist for a few sessions and don’t feel that their approach is working for you. When these things happen, we encourage you to have an honest conversation with your therapist, and here are the reasons why.
1. It’s an opportunity to practice honest and assertive communication in the context of a safe relationship.
Many people that we talk to struggle to give honest and assertive feedback to the people they are in a relationship with. People often share their assumptions that the other person will respond negatively to them if they are honest. Therapists are trained to be relational and nonjudgmental. If ever there was a good person to practice your new assertiveness skills with, it’s your therapist. And guess what? If you can get really good at communicating openly and honestly with your therapist, you can take those same skills and use them in other relationships outside the therapy session.
2. Speaking up is an opportunity to get your needs met.
While therapists can be really good at reading body language, we can’t read minds. If clients do not communicate the things that they like/dislike about sessions, therapists won’t be able to adjust to meet your needs. Remember: your therapist is there for YOU. You are not there to tend to your therapist’s emotional needs, so you don’t have to worry that your honesty will hurt your therapist’s feelings. At the end of the day, we want to make sure that we are meeting your needs.
3. Speaking up provides an opportunity to make a repair and to form an even stronger relationship.
All relationships (including the one with your therapist) take work. If a therapist has said something offensive, they may not realize it unless it is pointed out. Speaking up is an opportunity for you and your therapists to hash things out and to work on repairing the fracture. Going through this process can be healthy and healing. It can provide an opportunity for the two of you to understand one another better and to form an even stronger working relationship moving forward.
4. If necessary, your therapist can help you find a therapist who is a better fit.
The reality is that it is not possible for any one therapist to be a good fit for everyone. We all have our own unique preferences which means that we will connect better with some therapists than others. If you’re having a hard time connecting with your therapist or their approach to therapy, letting them know is an opportunity for them to talk with you about your wants, needs, and preferences.
From there, they can help refer you to someone who is a better fit. You can trust that your therapist will be willing and able to offer you some other resources and referrals. All you have to do is ask.
The next time you’re having feelings about your therapist or something that happened in session, we hope you’ll feel empowered to speak up. As you’ve hopefully seen, there are a number of great benefits to doing so!
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If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
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The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written By: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
