Before You Ghost Your Therapist...
No one likes to be ghosted, not even your therapist. If you have been thinking about ending counseling services with your therapist but you don’t know how to, consider this before you ghost them.
Finding a therapist who is a good fit for you matters.
Having a good “fit” with your therapist is extremely important in counseling. Your therapist is going to get to know you very well, so if you don’t feel like the professional “chemistry” is right, then say something. Is there another style that you prefer? Would you prefer something be different about the session? Sometimes we might need to hear the same message but in a different way in order for it to resonate with us. That’s why there are so many different “brands” of therapy.
Counseling is an investment of your time.
Having time to meet with your therapist is crucial. If you notice that your life is getting busy and you don’t have time to meet with your therapist, then let them know. You might need to take a break from counseling and return when you have time to dedicate to yourself and your mental health work. Communicating this up front also allows your therapist to offer their professional support to someone who is in need.
Consider the reasons for lack of progress.
You began counseling because you had the goal of wanting things to be different. It can be very frustrating if you feel like you have been trying and are not meeting your goals or not seeing progress. Although therapists are there to help guide you during your process of change, they are not going to change you. Therapists will teach you the skills and tools that you need to do the work to change yourself. Simply put in another way, therapists can provide you with the instructions for how to change a tire, but you are the one who will be doing the work of changing the tire. If lack of progress is something you are experiencing, then I encourage you to pause and reflect on the following. Are you coming prepared to session and focusing on the important things? (Therapy does not work by osmosis. You get out of it what you put into it.)
Here are some questions to consider: Are you following your therapist’s advice and recommendations (for example, are you practicing your coping skills)? Are you truly putting forth effort towards your goals, and does your behavior align with your goals? How are you contributing to your own problems? Does the goal need to be adjusted, such as identifying smaller milestones to conquer first? Are you having difficulty noticing your progress and in need of reevaluating your definition of progress or learning how to give yourself credit? At times, more intensive treatment is needed to help you make the progress you’re looking for. It’s ok to talk openly with your therapist about the progress you are making.
Do you have difficulty tolerating certain thoughts,
emotions, or memories?
Sometimes you may experience uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or memories during your counseling journey. This is not uncommon, and just know that sometimes you have to feel in order to heal. Like a physical wound, emotional wounds that do not heal properly are prone to reinjury and will allow you to function better when healed properly. If you notice that you are feeling particularly distressed, I encourage you to talk to your therapist about it to brainstorm solutions (e.g., trying a different treatment modality, trying medication under the guidance of a psychiatrist, incorporating self-care and coping skills). There are strategies that can be used in counseling to help you work towards healing while also managing the discomfort.
Notice your patterns of behavior.
Do you have a pattern of ghosting people or avoiding conflict? Does thinking about confrontation make you feel anxious? This is a chance for you to change your pattern and actively work on improving your communication skills.
Whatever the case may be, I encourage you to communicate with your therapist what you’re feeling. If you ultimately decide to end your professional relationship with your counselor, then your therapist can help provide you with referrals more suitable for what you are looking for because of your input. At the end of the day, it’s your healing that matters.
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Interested in Counseling for Anxiety, Stress, Worry, or Communication Skills?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online counseling for anxiety, stress, worry, and communication skills aren’t the only services offered at our Maryland office
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written by Sara Secada-Lovio, LCPC
Photo credit: Erin Lee, cottonbro, Pixabay, and Karolina Grabowska
Date of Download: 8/16/2021
