What Can You Do When You’re Having Difficulty Talking in Talk Therapy Sessions?
You’ve taken the first step and signed up for talk therapy, and now you’re finding that you’re having a hard time sharing. If this is your experience, just know that you are not the only one. As therapists, we see this quite frequently and know that this lack of sharing can be present for a number of reasons. In this article, I’ll talk about some of the common reasons people have difficulty talking in therapy and some things that you can do about it.
Common Reasons People Have Difficulty Talking During Their Talk Therapy Sessions
Social anxiety
This anxiety can show up in social interactions, and it results in lack of sharing due to nervousness, fear of judgment, and a fear that you’ll say something stupid. This anxiety can also show up in the therapy session and result in not sharing and/or sharing very limited bits of information.
Communication difficulties
The same communication difficulties that may have brought you to therapy can also show up when communicating with your therapist.
Relational difficulties
The relationship with your therapist, while unique, is still a relationship. If you struggle with forming open, honest, and connected relationships outside of therapy, it’s likely that those same difficulties will show up in the conversations and interactions with your therapist.
Difficulty taking responsibility or ownership
Are you the person who says, “I don’t know” to every question your friends or family members ask you? Do you use the same “I don’t know” response in session with your therapist? At some point, this response gets old, and it forces other people to make decisions for you or the larger group.
Do you notice that you avoid making decisions or taking responsibility in life? Relationships are mutual, and they require give and take and space for all to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and preferences. When you refuse to give your opinion, you take away your voice and power. You also force others to take responsibility for you, and others may not appreciate this added responsibility.
When “I don’t know” is your default in therapy, it forces your therapist to take on a lot of responsibility for the session and its content when this is YOUR session. Without your guiding the session, the content covered may not be what you hoped for. When we don’t give our two cents, however, we end up getting whatever we get.
How To Address and Handle These Concerns
1. We talk about them openly and directly.
If you know that you are struggling to talk with your therapist in session due to anxiety and/or communication difficulties, say so. This is an opportunity for you and your therapist to have an open and honest conversation, so they can help you in these areas. If you do not bring up your difficulty sharing in session, it’s likely that your therapist will share their observations with you.
This is yet another opportunity to be honest about the difficulty you are having, so you can practice new skills in a safe and nonjudgmental space with your therapist.
2. We practice new skills.
If communication or relating to others naturally is difficult for you, therapy is the perfect place to practice new skills. You’ll be with a kind, nonjudgmental person who is there to support you and to give you helpful feedback. In a context like this, there’s not a lot to lose, although there is much to gain. Building confidence with these new skills then allows you to use them in your other relationships.
3. Take responsibility for your therapy session.
Your therapy session is your time. You are investing time, energy, and money when you come to these appointments, so it’s important that you make the most of them. Prior to your session, create a list of items that you want to address or work on during that session. In doing so, you and your therapist will have structure for the session, and you’ll be able to guarantee that you’re getting what you want out of that session. Trust me, your therapist will thank you for this too!
Are you the person who has difficulty talking in your talk therapy sessions? If so, I encourage you to initiate a conversation with your therapist about this. There will be a lot to gain from this conversation, and it will allow the two of you to create a plan for practicing new skills or for helping make sure that you’re getting what you want out of therapy.
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Written By: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
Photo Credit: Polina Tankilevitch & Brett Jordan from Pexels
Date of Download: 4/1/2022
