What Are Personal Boundaries, and How Do You Set Them for Yourself?
This blog is part one of a 2-part series that explores setting boundaries. The ability to set boundaries for ourselves and set boundaries with those around us is a valuable skill.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the rules or guidelines that we identify to keep ourselves safe and healthy. They help us create order and allow us to be responsible for our own actions, even if they are not always enjoyable. They allow us to identify those limits that are acceptable for ourselves as a way of engaging in self-love and respect.
What are your boundaries?
Our boundaries are shaped by our families, cultures, and experiences and rooted in our values. This means boundaries can vary from person to person. Understanding your values can help you identify boundaries that you would like to set for yourself. Some boundaries might be flexible. For example, you may limit the amount of television you watch but give yourself a pass for watching a special broadcast such as a football game or an extended documentary. Or a pass to stay up later when you don’t have to work in the morning. Others might be a little more rigid. For example, you budget your finances to make sure you have enough money for the things you need and the things that are really important to you.
How do you set boundaries for yourself?
One of the most important pieces of setting boundaries for yourself is identifying areas in your life that need structure or limits. These areas could include finances, physical and mental health wellness, and work. Each area you identify as important will be influenced by your values and even goals you may have set for yourself. Whatever areas you identify, make sure you have an understanding of what your expectations are of yourself. Once you understand your expectations, you can start to set boundaries.
When setting your boundaries, show yourself some grace. This can mean that you don’t set too many boundaries at once. Too many can leave you feeling overwhelmed or restricted and may make it challenging to stick with these boundaries. Grace can also be important if you find that you are struggling to stick to a boundary. If this happens, take a moment to look at the boundary and ask yourself why you weren’t able to stick to it. It could be that it is too vague. Or it’s too complicated. Or perhaps you are not being honest with yourself. It could also be that your parental figures did not model healthy personal boundaries. Whatever the reason you don’t stick to a boundary, this isn’t the time to be hard on yourself. This is the time to allow yourself some grace and make adjustments that help you stick to your boundaries.
When we don’t set and stick to our boundaries, we are setting ourselves up for chaos and disorder. This can leave us feeling frazzled or exacerbate existing feelings of anxiety. In addition to compromising our mental wellness, we may also compromise our safety and other areas of our lives we feel are important. Also, if you find it difficult to set boundaries with yourself, you will likely have difficulty setting boundaries with others. If you find that you are having difficulty identifying your boundaries, or sticking to your boundaries, now may be the time to get help.
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Recognizing Both When and How to Set Boundaries with Those Around You
How to Have Hard Conversations With Others: The Soft-Start Up Technique
The Power of Softness: A Lesson from Tai Chi on Mood Regulation
Mindfulness: Helpful Tips and Techniques for Anxiety & Emotional Dysregulation
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Interested in Counseling for Communication Skills and Boundary Setting?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online counseling for communication skills and boundary setting aren’t the only services offered at our Maryland office
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written By: Irene Burks, LGPC
Photo credit: Anna Tarazevich, cottonbro, and Alexander Suhorucov on Pexels
Date of Download: 7/9/2021
