How “The Big Sick” Shows Us the Different Ways We Cope with Anxiety
NOTE: The blog below contains spoilers for The Big Sick. Please proceed with that knowledge.
“They’re just winging it like everybody else.”
Everyone struggles with the rollercoaster of life. Whether it be finding a job, coping with medical problems, or trying to understand a complex relationship, life can come with so many ups and downs that it feels almost impossible to cope with them. The 2017 movie The Big Sick tackles these different themes by looking at the way anxiety trickles through each one. The film is a semi-autobiographical look at actor Kumail Nanjiani’s life as a Chicago stand-up comedian and Uber driver. In it, he falls in love with a woman, Emily, who goes into a medically-induced coma a few months later. The movie looks at how he tackles a number of unexpected turns in a tumultuous time in his life, as well as how Emily’s family copes with the sudden medical emergency of their daughter.
Themes of anxiety in The Big Sick
Throughout the film, Kumail struggles with anxiety over all of the situations he is in. The first place we see his anxiety arise is when he discusses his relationship with Emily and the intersection of his culture. Kumail is the child of Pakistani immigrants, who are trying to set Kumail up with an arranged marriage. Kumail does not want to upset his parents and understands the importance of the custom in their culture. However, he also falls in love with Emily and wants to keep her in his life. Kumail ultimately ends up not telling.
In this back-and-forth of Kumail’s relationship, we see Kumail begin to fall into cycles of avoidance. He avoids the conversation about his parents with Emily, he avoids talking about Emily with his parents, and he avoids the two ever meeting each other. He even creates a “two-day” rule, where Emily and him cannot see each other more than two days in a row to avoid the potential of his lives combining. And while this sounds a little bizarre, Kumail’s avoidance is so relatable.
When we let anxiety take over and guide our decisions, it can feel paralyzing. Rather than confronting the anxiety or the circumstances causing our anxiety, we freeze and find creative and outlandish ways to avoid the things we worry about. Kumail might create rules and manipulate his schedule to avoid the conversations he worries about, but we all have our own ways of coping with anxiety that may or may not be the most productive.
Navigating career changes and other uncertainties in life
Another source of anxiety for Kumail is his career. Kumail is a college graduate who is struggling to find a full-time job and makes money as a stand-up comedian and Uber driver. Right before the events of the movie, Kumail gets denied a comedy opportunity that would have helped him get a big break. Because of this, he again enters into a cycle of avoidance. He always changes the conversation when his future comes up, avoids doing regular comedy shows, and stalls his decision-making processes. Kumail does not want to imagine his future because he constantly worries so much about what it will look like.
Again, Kumail is very relatable here! It can be hard to think about a future when there is so much uncertainty. Especially in a time right now where many are being laid off or working unpaid due to government shutdowns, the prospect of not knowing your career can be challenging. On top of that, it can be easy to fall into the trap of Imposter Syndrome, or not feeling like you are worthy of your success, when you find a job you enjoy. Kumail loves comedy, but struggles to believe he deserves any success. Luckily, there are many avenues to work through these anxieties and people who are willing to talk about them. While it can be stressful to face the emotions surrounding a job or talk about the uncertainty of the future, it is important to acknowledge these anxieties and work to find ways to both cope and move forward.
The intersecting of relationships
The final area of anxiety in this film is one we all dread, but comes up for so many people. About a third of the way into the film, Kumail’s girlfriend, Emily, goes into a coma due to a medical problem. Kumail must face the reality that his girlfriend is unwell and may never come out. Not only do we see Kumail’s anxiety around this, but we see Emily’s parents come into the picture as well. Interestingly, here, we see the opposite of avoidance with Emily’s parents and their anxiety. Emily’s parents try to do everything they can to help Emily and fix the situation. Their anxieties come through by trying to fix the problem themselves. When things seem out of our control, it can be easy to spiral and try to take back control as much as possible. Our anxiety alerts us that we need to solve a problem and won’t let us stop thinking about it until we do. Watching Emily’s parents and how they tackle anxiety alongside Kumail’s avoidance allows people with both reactions to anxiety to be seen in this film and understand their process further.
Anxiety can be paralyzing, but also energizing. Anxiety can cause us to avoid important conversations, or overwork ourselves to exhaustion. In The Big Sick, we see both forms of anxiety come alive. Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes we struggle to cope with all of these changes. The good thing to note is that there are always ways to find help and people that are ready to both hear about your anxiety and share coping skills if you’re struggling to find them. Whether it be a clash of cultures, the struggle to find a job, or a difficult situation for a family member, your anxiety is valid and deserves to be heard.
Discussion questions for The Big Sick
What areas of your life give you anxiety?
Do you tend to avoid things when you’re anxious, or do you overwork yourself?
What coping strategies are your favorite for anxiety? Or, do you need help finding coping strategies?
Is there any conversation you’re currently avoiding because of the anxiety surrounding it?
The Big Sick was directed by Michael Showalter and produced by FilmNation Entertainment and Apatow Productions.
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Written by: Jackson Borchers, Counseling Intern at LifeSpring Counseling Services
Jackson Borchers is a Masters-Level Counseling Intern who is studying at Towson University. Jackson works with adults grappling with sadness, loneliness, isolation, and grief. As someone who is new to the Baltimore area, Jackson understands the intricacies involved in finding connection and finding your community.
