4 Strategies for Managing Negative or Self-Critical Thoughts
Sometimes the thoughts that pop into our heads are ones that make us worry about the future or feel bad about ourselves. And some of these thoughts can be particularly irritating in that they like to stick around or pop up frequently. When we’ve experienced certain thoughts repeatedly, there can be a point in which we actually start believing that they are true, even when they most definitely are not. If you’ve ever struggled with depression or anxiety, it’s likely that you’ve experienced lots of these annoying thoughts. If you’re a human, it’s 100% likely that you’ve experienced some unhelpful, self-critical thoughts too.
Before we dive into some of the strategies that can help you manage negative or judgmental thoughts, I want to encourage you to take a non-judgmental approach with yourself. Sometimes we judge ourselves for the thoughts that pop into our heads, even though we don’t have control over them showing up in the first place. For example, if I tell you not to think about a white, fuzzy bear, my guess is that you just imagined a white, fuzzy bear. As a result, we want to stay away from judging ourselves for the thoughts that show up and focus on using our control and new-found coping strategies to manage those thoughts once we recognize that they’ve shown up.
In this article, I’ll be describing 5 different strategies that you can use to manage negative or self-critical thoughts. You might find that one particular strategy resonates with you more than others or you might find that it can be helpful to use a variety of these strategies, depending on the specific situation and the kind of thought that you are experiencing. Either way, I hope that you’ll give all of these options a try to see which ones work the best for you.
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’s (CBT) 3 C’s–Catch it, Check it, Change it.
Cognitive behavioral therapy recognizes the ways that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are related. CBT’s 3 C’s encourage us to “catch” or recognize unhelpful thoughts when they show up. Once we recognize the thought, we can “check it” to really determine whether that thought is helpful, accurate, or true. If we determine that a particular thought is not helpful, accurate, or true, then we move on to the next step of “changing it” or reframing it by turning it into a thought that is more helpful, accurate, or true.
For example, if I have the thought that I’m going to bomb my upcoming presentation, I can use this approach by first “catching” this thought. When I “check” this thought, I realize that this line of thinking is not helpful. It’s also not accurate as I have not yet given my presentation, so I don’t yet know how it will go. My job, then, is to reframe or “change” this thought into something that is more accurate or true. An example might be, “I’m worried about not doing a good job at my upcoming presentation, so I am going to make sure that I put in the effort to adequately prepare” or, “I recognize that I’m worried about my presentation, and I also know that I have taken all of the steps necessary to be adequately prepared.”
2. Putting Thoughts On a Cloud
Another strategy that is often discussed in mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) circles is putting thoughts on a cloud. When we use this approach, we are not arguing with our thoughts or fighting with them. We are simply acknowledging them and letting them pass by without latching onto them or getting invested in them. To use this strategy, simply acknowledge when you’ve had an anxious, judgmental, or self-critical thought show up. Visualize yourself putting that thought on a cloud and then letting the cloud pass by. You can use this technique as many times as you need, each time a new or repeated thought shows up.
3. Labeling Your Thoughts
For example, if I have the thought that I’m going to bomb my upcoming presentation, I can use this approach by first “catching” this thought. When I “check” this thought, I realize that this line of thinking is not helpful. It’s also not accurate as I have not yet given my presentation, so I don’t yet know how it will go. My job, then, is to reframe or “change” this thought into something that is more accurate or true. An example might be, “I’m worried about not doing a good job at my upcoming presentation, so I am going to make sure that I put in the effort to adequately prepare” or, “I recognize that I’m worried about my presentation, and I also know that I have taken all of the steps necessary to be adequately prepared.”
Another ACT-based strategy is labeling your thoughts. When we label our thoughts, we name the type of thought we are experiencing which allows us to create space between ourselves and the type of thought we are experiencing. When we label our thoughts, we are again, not judging our thoughts or fighting with them. For example, if I experience the thought that I’m a terrible person, I can label that thought by saying to myself, “That’s a judgmental thought you’re experiencing.” If I experience a thought that says, “You’re going to feel so awkward at this gathering tonight,” I can use this technique and say, “That’s an anxious thought you’re experiencing.” Give this technique a try, and see how it works for you!
4. Diaphragmatic Breathing
When we’re experiencing a steady stream of strong, negative thoughts, we can get caught up in the chatter happening in our brain. When this happens, we lose touch with our bodies, the present moment, and the real world surrounding us. One strategy that we can use to get out of our heads and back into our bodies is to engage in diaphragmatic breathing. When we focus on our breathing, we naturally get out of our heads and back into our bodies as we’re focused on the act of breathing. When you give this a try, notice the feeling of the air entering and leaving your body. Notice your belly contract and expand as air enters and leaves your body. Diaphragmatic breathing can help you get out of your head, and it can also help calm your body. The great thing about this technique and all of the others listed here is that you can use them anywhere at any time, and nobody else knows.
As always, I like to remind people that it’s one thing to know about coping strategies, and it is another thing to actually use them. If you have a variety of tools in your shed, but you never actually use them, then they are ultimately of no use. Coping strategies are the same way. They can be great tools, but if you don’t actually pick them up and use them, they won’t work and be helpful to you. So, now that you’ve learned about these 4 new techniques, I encourage you to give them all a try. See which ones work the best for you, and use them as often as you need. Our minds can be very lively, so it’s likely that you’ll need to use these coping strategies repeatedly throughout the course of a day.
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Written by: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
Melissa is the Founder of LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland, and she is a Certified Brainspotter and Brainspotting Consultant who specializes in treating depression, anxiety, trauma, and sex therapy.
