"What’s Wrong With Me? How Do I Cope?" Some Thoughts About Being a Highly-Sensitive Person
Have you ever been told to “stop being so sensitive” or “you’re overreacting”?! Recognize there is nothing wrong with you. You may just be wired differently than some others. Of late, I have been thinking a lot about highly sensitive people (HSPs) and associated traits or tendencies.
Psychologist Elaine Aron has led the field of research about HSPs and estimates that 15 to 20 percent of the general population fall into this category (you can take her self-test here). So if you were a shy and conscientious child, if you are sensitive to noise and stimuli, have a rich inner world, find you need alone time to destress, and that your adult self tends to be more easily overstimulated, both physically and emotionally, than others — you too are probably a HSP.
Strengths & Weaknesses with Being a Highly-Sensitive Person
Thinking holistically, there are both strengths and weaknesses in being an HSP, which ultimately requires consideration in finding appropriate coping tools to manage the feelings of being overwhelmed easily. Being sensitive, you are more likely to be anxious, to be an overthinker, to be aware of subtleties, and to be self-critical. On the other hand, being an HSP, you are also more kind and empathetic, thoughtful and considerate towards others, as well as a deep and mindful thinker, someone who appreciates moments of beauty and contemplative reflection.
If you recognize these traits for yourself, a first step to dealing with these sensitivities is to acknowledge and accept that you have them. It’s okay to look at others who brush things off, shrug and move on, or don’t seem to become overwhelmed by situations or interactions, but recognize that this is not you. You’re the type who reacts more deeply to various stimuli, worries about what you’ve said to others, about how others look at you, and you probably carry a certain intensity of thought that others just don’t have. You need your down-time and recovery time, and that’s OK.
Furthermore, recognize you carry your own feelings intensely as well as absorb the sensitivities of others. So, say you are in the presence of someone who is irritated, or anxious, or sad, you start feeling what they are feeling and carry that burden with you. No wonder you find yourself reactive and easily overwhelmed!
Suggestions for Managing these Emotions & Situations
• As mentioned before, the first step to dealing with these feelings is just to recognize and accept that this is you and you need to adapt accordingly.
• Ask yourself and name what you are feeling. Recognize if you’ve added other people’s feelings to your own, and then consider how to manage or cope with what’s going on.
• Plan ahead for some quiet time to relax and recover or to do something you enjoy to help yourself self-soothe and recover from the intensity of your feelings.
• If physical stimuli are affecting how you are feeling, become aware of this, and react accordingly and appropriately. For example, are you “hangry” and do you need time to eat and rest to feel better? Or do you need to step away from loud noises or disturbing smells to find your equilibrium?
• You may need to step away from certain interpersonal interactions as you take the time to decide what steps you want to take in this situation. Granting yourself some time, and, for example, incorporating deep breathing exercises and/or doing some stretches, will allow you to release some of the osmosis-style emotions you have unconsciously absorbed. Consider ways to create boundaries, if appropriate, with others, to prevent their emotions overwhelming you, and consider ways to consciously release burdens that are not yours to carry.
• As you name your feelings, take some deep breaths, pull in comfort and compassion towards you, accepting whatever emotions are coming up but also letting go of extra burdens you are carrying. Visualize wrapping a warm blanket around you and your feelings and, as you accept the entirety of yourself, also remember your strengths and abilities!
So, to all HSPs and others out there, wishing you peace and joy as you accept yourself with all your characteristics and traits, as we embrace the humanity we all share in caring for ourselves and each other with compassion!
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Written by: Rebecca Lencz, LCPC
Photo Credit: Samson Katt, Liza Summer, Andrew Neel, Klaus Nielsen, & Anna Shvets
Date of Download: 2/1/2022
