Loneliness and Valentine's Day: Gaining Insight & Changing Your Perspective
Valentine’s Day can be a mixed bag of emotions. Some people love it, others romanticize it, and others hate it. Loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem, grief and loss, and trauma are all very real and prevalent feelings individuals have around this time of year.
For some, Valentine’s Day is a reminder of a past love, a traumatic break-up, or something that “could’ve been.” For others, it creates heightened pressure from friends, family, or the media to meet certain expectations, such as finding the one or having a lavish dinner date to share on social media.
By simply scrolling through social media and seeing the hundreds of posts and pictures, it can be hard to believe that there are others out there who are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as you. After all – no one ever really talks about the downsides of Valentine’s Day.
While Valentine’s Day has come and gone, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your feelings, and we’re here to help put things in perspective and find creative ways to enjoy Valentine’s Day in the years to come (and the other days of the year!).
Valentine's Day Isn't All Heart-Shaped Balloons and Roses
This year alone, 43% of singles considered this Valentine’s Day to be a high-pressure holiday, and 1 in 5 individuals said they wished the holiday would be canceled altogether (Kort, 2022; Cassata, 2022). Life changes, social status, age, and societal expectations all play a massive role in our perception of Valentine’s Day and our role in society as someone who’s single.
For those who are young adults, the pressure to find a partner, get married, and begin a family is very real, and can cause feelings of anxiety, worry, and fear for those who either aren’t ready for that stage in their life, or for those who are ready but are finding it difficult to find their footing in the dating world. While we, as a society, have slowly begun to come around to the idea that there is no “right way” to do things, there is still an underlying stigma that can contribute to the feelings we’ve listed above.
Self-esteem and self-confidence are other areas that may take a hit in the month of February. If you are single, it may be difficult to accept the fact that there are others around you who have found someone or who are finding success in the dating pool.
These constant reminders that we see in marketing, on social media, and in real life can have a bigger impact on us than we may think. While some aspects of our lives may be out of our control, it’s also important to realize that there are things we can control.
Reclaim Valentine's Day with These Creative Tips & Approaches
The truth is, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have one look to it. While we may see duplications of the same type of celebration throughout the media, in actuality there is no limit to the ways we can celebrate.
For those who may have somewhat of a distaste for Valentine’s Day, here are some creative ways you can celebrate (and if you still choose not to celebrate, that's OK!)
Spend time with friends and family.
Valentine’s Day advertising is always feeding us with images of couples – but it’s important to remember that sharing our love doesn’t just have to be with a partner! Visiting your family and friends, or even hosting a Galentine’s Day event (guys, you can celebrate, too!) is a great way to get out of the house, enjoy some nice food, and be social. Valentine’s Day is all about spreading love, but we shouldn’t limit who is allowed to receive that love!
Pamper yourself, you deserve it!
Whatever form of self-care is your favorite, go for it! Whether you choose to go the whole nine yards and book yourself a spa day, complete with a facial, full-body massage, and mani and pedi, or you’re content with staying in and catching up on all of the shows you’ve been too busy to watch lately… self-care looks different for everyone!
Pre-plan your Valentine’s Day.
If the impending stress of Valentine’s Day is causing you to feel anxious and worked up, consider talking with friends, family, or even a licensed therapist about the ways in which you can prepare for the holiday in advance.
Planning a small get-together with friends (like a Galentine’s Day event, as mentioned earlier) or compiling a list of books or podcasts to listen to the day of is a little step that can make all the difference. Being prepared and knowing what you can expect on the day of can reduce stress and the “what if’s…”
Reduce screen time the day of.
We hear about this a lot! Mainly when it comes to settling down for bed. But the truth of the matter is that social media is constantly feeding us content, and we’re constantly being informed of so many things in such a short span of time. There are pros and cons to social media, of course; however, if you’re feeling down about Valentine’s Day and are already wincing at the thought of the amount of posts you’ll see, consider taking a much needed social media break!
Can’t get away? Set a timer and reduce the amount of time you’re on social media, or mute certain keywords and phrases you’d prefer not to see or read about, that way you can stick to the content you’re interested in.
Avoid comparisons.
As humans, we’re always weighing the pros and cons of everything we come into contact with. This can include comparing ourselves to others, previous partners to current, and can even include comparing past holidays to present holidays. If last Valentine’s Day was a good one, and this year you’re finding it to be a bit gloomier, try to refrain from dwelling on why that may be (easier said than done, I know!). If you’re finding this to be difficult and can’t stop your mind from racing, try one of the tips from above to help get your mind off things!
Valentine's Day Comes Once a Year, but Self-Care is Forever
Once Valentine’s Day comes and goes, we’re often able to take a deep breath and carry on until February 14th rolls around again.
While these tips and approaches center around ways to celebrate on the day of, they can also be a great self-reminder for the days that follow. Feelings can come and go and wax and wane… but being prepared for those days that are particularly glum can help you find healthy coping strategies and activities to lessen those thoughts and feelings.
A Note About Mental Health & Therapy
It’s normal for us humans to experience low self-esteem, anxiety, low confidence, and loneliness from time to time, it’s inevitable. However, if you’re finding that these feelings are affecting your daily life, speaking with a licensed therapist is a great first step!
LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland offers online counseling services to individuals to help address symptoms of anxiety, signs of depression, grief and loss, low self-esteem, trauma, and communication and boundary-setting.
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Interested in Counseling for Loneliness, Anxiety, Depression, Grief and Loss, or Trauma?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online counseling for loneliness, anxiety, depression, grief and loss, and trauma aren’t the only services offered at our Maryland office
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written by: Madison Hager, Social Media & Digital Marketing Assistant
Photo Credit: RF._.studio, Anete Lusina, Samantha Gades, cottonbro, Castorly Stock, Daria Shevtsova, and Laura Chouette on Pexels and Unsplash
Date of Download: 2/18/2022
References
Cassata, C. (2022, February 9). The importance of being extra kind to yourself this valentine’s day. VeryWell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/be-kind-to-yourself-this-valentines-day-5217781
Kort, J. (2022, February 14). Taking the pressure off valentine’s day for both couples and singles. PsychologyToday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/202202/taking-the-pressure-valentine-s-day-both-couples-and
Morin, A. (2015, February 10). Single on valentine’s day? 3 tips for being mentally strong. PsychologyToday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/202202/taking-the-pressure-valentine-s-day-both-couples-and
Silard, A. (2021, February 12). Managing loneliness on valentine’s day in the pandemic. PsychologyToday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-living-free/202102/managing-loneliness-valentine-s-day-in-the-pandemic
Wexler, H. K. (2010, February 14). Facing loneliness on valentine’s day. PsychologyToday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/getting-laid-over-60/201002/facing-loneliness-valentines-day
