Sacred Shifts: A Maryland Therapist's Journey of Deconstructing and Reconstructing Their Spiritual Beliefs
If you are like me, you grew up in a family centered around the teachings of Jesus, developing a fearful representation of God and this idea that we are all sinners and destined for an eternity in Hell if we didn’t repent and turn away from our sins. I distinctly remember having visions of Hell as a 7 year old and anxiously praying the sinner’s prayer in order to feel secure and saved. If I’m being honest, I probably said that prayer 300 times over the span of my Christian walk, but who’s counting? My religious experience was completely driven by fear, guilt, and shame.
Deconstruction 101
Deconstruction has recently become a buzzword for ex-evangelicals who have decided the church as it stands today goes against the basic principles taught by Jesus, to love your neighbor as yourself and to love God. Deconstruction is simply the act of getting rid of the harmful practices and beliefs we hold as truth and intentionally selecting practices that promote growth and healing. Believe me, it’s a lot easier said than done. I wish I had a magic pill that could simply take away the guilt and shame I still feel when I engage in an act that was once deemed “sinful.”
Deconstruction is a personal process, it is not one size fits all. What works for one person may not work for another, and that is okay. I personally removed myself entirely from Christianity for several years, I wanted nothing to do with Christians, the church, or entertain the idea of God. However, through my own process of deconstruction, I’m slowly learning that I desire to have connection with a higher power, be it God, the Mysterious Love of the Universe, Peace, or even an Algorithm. Regardless of what you call it, it did not create us to hate us. Someone explained it to me this way: you know that feeling you get when you see someone who is in need? It starts as a warm sensation in your body and often leads you to action? That’s God. When we pick apart religion, whether it is Judaism, Christianity, Islam or Buddhism, the central message remains the same: love others and love God. We put God in a box and limit his ability to forgive or look past our shortcomings, guys, he knows we fall short, he created us and guess what? He doesn’t care.
Thought interrogation
One strategy that has really helped me through my own deconstruction is thought interrogation. The next time an automatic thought pops into your head, ask yourself 1. Is it true? 2. Do you absolutely know it’s true? 3. What happens when you believe the thought? 4. Who or what would you be without the thought? This has become a common practice of mine and it has helped me weed out some really harmful beliefs I held about myself and others.
Resources and Strategies for Deconstruction
Deconstruction looks different for everyone and healing is a continuous process. I don’t think I will ever get to a point in my life where I can say “I’m fully healed” but it does get easier. Here are some resources and strategies I’ve used to help in my own deconstruction that may be helpful for someone looking to start the process. By no means is this an exhaustive list, the important part is identifying and tailoring your process to meet you where you are at:
Seek out conversations with others who share similar experiences, surround yourself with people who help instead of harm.
Approach your learning and deconstruction with curiosity rather than judgement. Ask difficult questions, learn about your religion in context and proceed mindfully.
Give yourself grace and compassion when harmful thoughts come to mind, engage in mindfulness strategies like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and meditation.
Find resources that allow you to be curious and explore what you want to keep from your experience with church and religion. A couple of my favorites have been “ God Didn’t Make Us to Hate Us” by Rev. Lizzie McManus-Dail and “What Makes You Bloom” by Kevin Miguel Garcia.
Explore options for community, whether it is joining a community group, looking into virtual support groups for individuals with religious trauma or finding a church that aligns with your beliefs, morals and ideals, there is hope and you are not alone. The Post Evangelical Collective is a great resource to utilize.
Talk to a therapist. Having a safe space to explore and question your beliefs with no judgement is extremely important.
At LifeSpring we have several therapists who would love to start a conversation with you.
Are You Looking for Spiritually-Integrated Counseling Support in Maryland?
At LifeSpring, we take the stance that everyone has a belief system or world view, and so we work with a wide-range of people and belief systems. On one end of the spectrum, we work with people who are specifically looking for a faith-based therapist. They are looking for someone who is familiar with their religious or spiritual views, who will respect their views, and who will help them make decisions that are in alignment with their faith. We work with others who are people of faith, but struggling to find a faith community that aligns with their views. We work with LGBTQI+ people of faith who are also navigating the process of finding an accepting and welcoming faith community. And….sometimes our clients are mad at God or grappling with questions about their beliefs. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, know that we have therapists at LifeSpring with specific interests in supporting you as you wrestle with big questions, search for community, or work through church hurts or religious trauma.
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Interested in Online or In-Person Counseling for Religious Trauma?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online and in-person counseling for religious trauma aren’t the only services offered at our Baltimore, MD office.
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written by: Ali Miller, Counseling Intern
Ali Miller is a former public school teacher and counseling intern who is committed to helping individuals who have been negatively impacted by purity culture. Ali enjoys helping people navigate sexual health issues that can sometimes feel uncomfortable to talk about. She creates a supportive space, so you can work through the issues that are important to you.
