Unpacking Purity Culture: Its Roots, Realities, and Ripple Effects

Faith-BasedTrauma and PTSD
Written By Melissa Wesner
 
 

Within the last couple of years, “purity culture” has become a buzzword among Millennials who grew up in high control religious settings (HCRs). Purity culture was established in the late 90s and ecompasses the way society and pop culture idolizes sexual purity as a measure of a person’s worth (Leoppky, 2023). Although it started within the realms of religion, it has since then grown and can be found in cultures all around the world.

Emma Cieslik describes purity culture as “...a systemic set of ideologies enforced by religious communities through educational programming and events that place the brunt of sexual responsibility on young men and women” (2022). Both men and women are taught to suppress sexual urges starting at young ages. Young men are told that porn is bad and sex is amazing, but only when it is saved for marriage, while young women are taught to bottle sexual feelings and emotions inside and dress modestly to protect the young men from sinning. Young girls not only had the weight of their own sin, but now they were held responsible for the sins of boys and men. Purity culture is not gender specific. Both lead to warped beliefs that continue to impact how both men and women view relationships, marriage and sex.

What does purity culture look like?

These are all examples from my personal life, which is not to say that this is the ONLY way that purity culture presents itself; however, this is what was true for me. 

As a pubescent teen in church, I remember being ushered into the sanctuary with all the females to watch my youth pastor show us what it meant to be “pure.” He would start by holding a white rose–spotless, pure, the essence of every good Christian girl. One by one he would start plucking the rose of its petals, stomping each petal as it fell to the ground until there was nothing but a wilted shell of what used to be. Each petal represented a partner… a kiss… a relationship…; it was his way of telling us to save ourselves for marriage, because what man in his right mind would want a dirty, ripped, and broken wife? 

a person with a ring and flower stem holding a bible

Purity Culture could look like: Purity rings, dating to marry, phrases like: “ring by spring,” “modest is hottest,” saving your first kiss for marriage, saving sex for marriage, timed physical interactions with the opposite sex, only seeking partners who were “equally yoked,” maintaining the sanctity of marriage between a man and woman, listening to songs about purity like “Barlow Girl,” never having “the talk” or sex education, upholding others to your high standards regardless of their personal beliefs, abstinent contracts and campaigns (True Love Waits), and victimizing others who “fall short” through the use of harmful words like “dirty” “unclean” “temptress” “Jezebel” or “impure.” All of these ideas breed shame and guilt for individuals who fall short of these unrealistic and high standards set forth by the leaders of religious organizations. 

Although everyone’s experience with purity culture is individualized, there are key characteristics that seem to be common among individuals who come from HCRs. 

Characteristics among individuals who come from High Control Religious Settings (HCRs)

  1. Those coming from purity culture might view sex in a negative light. Rather than seeing sexuality on a spectrum, it is more black and white. 

  2. Individuals may feel an intense amount of guilt and shame surrounding sexual pleasure and intimate relationships outside of marriage. 

  3. Individuals  may feel guilt and shame surrounding their choice of clothing, especially when sporting something that goes against modesty. 

  4. Individuals  may fear judgment from others within the church community, or feel like an outcast especially if the individual continues to identify as a Christian. 

  5. Individuals  may have an overwhelming sense of condemnation when engaging in activities they were once told were “sinful.”

  6. Individuals  may not know how to pleasure themselves without feeling shame or guilt lusting after another person. 

  7. Women specifically may experience pain during sex due to residual trauma stored in the pelvic floor. 

This by no means is an exhaustive list of the characteristics associated with purity culture. To those who grew up in purity culture or who have similar experiences, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you were exposed to harmful and hurtful things that impact your view of yourself, sex and the world around you. I’m sorry to individuals who were harmed by phrases and policies that brought overwhelming shame and guilt. I’m sorry if you were told you were less of a human because of your life choices or events outside of your control. All I can say is, I’ve been there, I see you, and you are not alone.

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Written by: Ali Miller, Counseling Intern
Ali Miller is a Masters-Level Counseling Intern at LifeSpring Counseling Services who works with individuals who are experiencing religious trauma and who have been negatively impacted by purity culture.

Melissa Wesner
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