What To Do When Someone You Care About Won’t Seek Therapy and It’s Impacting You and Your Relationship With Them
Have you ever seen the memes on social media talking about how you signed up for therapy because of the people who won’t sign up for therapy in your life? This is a real thing!! We’ve been asked on more than one occasion, what people can do when someone they love needs therapy but won’t seek it. To answer this question, we’ve compiled tips from 5 LifeSpring therapists.
When someone who you care about will not seek therapy, it can create significant difficulty in your ability to connect and enjoy quality time with them. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who will not go, but could benefit from therapy, try these tips.
Tips from Michaela Langley, LGPC
Set up a good time to talk. This is an important first step for any difficult conversation. It can be helpful to say things like “I’d really like to talk to you about _____. When would be a good time for you?” This prevents them from feeling blindsided, and helps ensure both parties are in a good headspace for the conversation.
Express your concerns. Talk to them about specific concerns you have from a place of empathy and care for them and the relationship. Use “I” statements and avoid criticism or accusatory language that may increase defensiveness.
Listen to understand. Productive conversations often come when we go into them with the intent to understand rather than get our own point across. Be curious about their stance, beliefs, fears, etc.
Offer to help. Offer to explore options and resources together - meet them where they are.
Be mindful of your own limitations. Even though you can see how they may benefit from therapy, forcing someone into therapy when they are not ready is not a realistic option. Set healthy boundaries when needed. Remember that just because they are opposed to therapy now, does not mean they will be opposed to therapy forever.
Seek support. If you’ve noticed the relationship has started taking a toll on your own mental health, or you struggle to set healthy boundaries, it might be a good time to seek out professional support for yourself.
Tips from a Licensed Graduate Professional Counselor
Set boundaries. You cannot control the actions of loved ones and while you may want to support them, people cannot make meaningful changes if they do not find personal meaning in the steps they are taking to change. You also cannot be there for them if you are not caring for yourself and honoring your needs. It may be cliche, but remember that airplane oxygen mask metaphor!
Provide resources. You cannot force someone to seek therapy and truly benefit from it, but you can help point them in the direction of a professional or how to seek help for when they are ready.
Tips from Sabah Khalid, LGPC
Educate yourself. If understanding mental health, mental health symptoms, or mental health treatment options is new to you, you can do some research to understand what your friend or family member is experiencing and their treatment options.
Be curious and encourage open dialogue. There could be many reasons why someone is not open to seeking mental health treatment. Is there denial, shame, or concern about what others might think? Being curious by asking them to share their thoughts can help you understand any concerns that they may have without feeling judged or pressured.
Share honestly. Sometimes the perspective that we have of ourselves is not the one that others have of us or of how we are doing. There are times when it is appropriate to share your thoughts and concerns about someone’s mental health, their functioning, and even the impact that these things have on you or your relationship with them.
Tips from Chelsea Cowden, LGPC
Address stigma. Explore and address any stigma or misconceptions the person may have about therapy. Provide education about mental health and therapy to help reduce stigma and normalize seeking professional help for emotional or psychological issues.
Identify barriers. Understand and address any practical or logistical barriers that may be preventing the person from seeking therapy, such as concerns about cost, accessibility, or time commitment. Offer assistance in finding affordable or accessible therapy options if needed.
Respect their decision. Ultimately, respect the person's autonomy and decision-making process, even if they choose not to pursue therapy at this time. Let them know that the offer of support and encouragement remains open whenever they're ready to reconsider.
We hope these tips from our Maryland therapists help you and the relationship that you’re navigating. At the end of the day, you can take the actions listed above. If none of those result in your friend or family member seeking treatment, you always have the ability to set necessary boundaries and to get the support that you need. Sometimes that means signing up for therapy ourselves, so we can manage our own thoughts, feelings, and needs about our relationships and circumstances. Many of our therapists LOVE helping people navigate relationships!
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Interested in Online Counseling Services for Negative Thoughts, Anxiety, or Depression?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online counseling for negative thoughts, anxiety, and depression aren’t the only services offered at our Maryland office.
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
