5 Tips to Prevent and Manage Conflicts with College Roommates
For many people, college is an exciting opportunity to move away from home, find and explore your passions, and have a little bit of fun. For many people, college is also a time to explore what it is like to have roommates, and typically, they live, sleep, and eat only about six feet away from you. Living with anyone can be hard, and it is especially difficult to live with someone during one of the most stressful, exciting, and transitional times of your life. Conflicts, especially with roommates, are inevitable, so it is important to know how to navigate (and maybe even prevent some of) these uncomfortable situations.
1. Talk about your living preferences and styles!
While setting some ground rules for your new dorm or apartment might feel unnatural, it is extremely important, and you might regret not taking things like university mandated roommate contracts too seriously. In situations where you are moving in with complete strangers or close friends, communication is key. With that in mind, make an active effort to talk about all types of potential sources of conflict well before they arrive. By addressing topics like cleanliness, lifestyles, and visitors right away, it can help both you and your roommate know how to respect the other person’s boundaries.
2. Communicate any issues when they arise.
Living with someone new can be scary, and there is no doubt that confronting a roommate is a stressful experience. However, it is important to address issues as they arise, rather than simply trying to let things build up emotionally. Of course, it is important to evaluate if a situation truly requires some sort of confrontation with your roommate, and sometimes, it can be helpful to let small, mundane differences between roommates go. However, if there is something happening in your living situation that is truly distressing for you and feels disrespectful, it is important to talk about! If you continue to pile up small stressors on top of one another because you are afraid of talking to your roommate, you risk your own mental wellbeing and your right to a peaceful living environment.
3. Be open to compromise.
All types of relationships, including the relationship between roommates, require reasonable compromises at times. It is important to consider the things that you need and want in a roommate and in a living environment. Some things will not be flexible, and that is okay. Yet, there are times where making slight adjustments to what you expect out of your partner is healthy and will likely result in a better living situation. For instance, if your roommate loves staying out late and partying on the weekends, but you are more of an introvert who has a strict bedtime at 9 PM, it might be healthy for both parties to establish adjusted rules. Maybe it would be more helpful for everyone if quiet hours started at 10 on school nights, but over the weekend, lights can be on until midnight. These compromises will look different for everyone, but it is important to consider just how flexible certain boundaries and preferences can be.
4. Balance time spent at home with time spent away.
A huge aspect of college is making new friends and experiencing new things. Of course, it would make sense for your roommate, especially your first college roommate, to be one of your closest friends; after all, you will see each other quite frequently. However, it is also vital to your relationship with your roommate to spend time apart. This will look differently for everyone, but perhaps you and your roommate join different clubs despite having the same major.If you and your roommate are not close friends, that is also understandable and it would still be necessary to find a good balance between time spent in your dorm and time spent out doing other things.
5. Be able to recognize when things have gone too far.
With all of these conflict resolution tips in mind, it is also important for you to be aware of when things are not worth resolving. It is true that many roommate dilemmas are repairable, but this does not mean you should force yourself to feel comfortable in a living environment that simply is not safe, whether that be emotionally or physically. If you are a college student living on campus, educate yourself on the resources available to you. You will likely be able to find housing support through your RA or the housing department, which could help place you in a better living environment. If you do not happen to live on campus, it would be important for you to contact your leasing office or landlord to explain the situation and inquire about what steps can be taken to end your lease. Ultimately, if living with someone means sacrificing your own wellbeing to a point where you are not safe, prioritize yourself in these situations, whether that means ending a relationship or breaking/revising a lease.
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