3 Common Myths and Beliefs About Sex Debunked
Sometimes, we have strongly held beliefs that we’ve never questioned. There are times when we might not even be aware that we’ve been clinging to beliefs that are untrue and that don’t actually serve us. In this article, we’ll be talking about 3 common myths about sex, reasons they can be problematic, and ways that you can change your thinking.
1. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous
This one is at the top of our list because it’s so prevalent. Have you heard this line before or believed this to be true yourself? This is a common belief and one that can be problematic.
The reality is that many people are super busy and their time and energy is limited. As a result, scheduling sex can actually be helpful. Perhaps scheduled sex doesn’t sound sexy, but scheduled sex is probably better than no sex. If you are a parent, you might also understand the constraints on your time, energy, and privacy. In situations such as this, scheduling is a means of prioritizing the relationship and time together. In some cases, people can find it difficult to be present when they’re thinking about all of the things on their to-do list. Scheduling sex can help people mentally prepare, and it can help them prioritize tasks that they want to get out of the way, so they can be fully present with their partner(s) later on.
2. Sex needs to be perfect
I don’t actually know anyone who has had this exact thought, but I find that many hold this sentiment. Believing that sex needs to be perfect tends to create a lot of stress, tension, and anxiety about sexual encounters. This belief puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves, and it can create anxiety, stress, and tension before and during sexual encounters, sometimes even resulting in sexual pain. It can also take us out of the moment and prevent us from experiencing connection and/or pleasure.
One perspective is that partners can aim for “good enough” sex. Sex can provide many things such as fun, connection, love, excitement, etc., but one thing that it doesn’t have to provide is perfection. Consider what would happen if you focused on having “good enough” sex rather than perfect sex.
3. I shouldn’t have to tell my partner what I like, they should just know
This line of thinking can show up in other aspects of relationships, not just sex. Having said that, this belief simply isn’t true. Imagine that you had an itch on your back, and you needed your partner to scratch it. In this case, you would tell your partner exactly where to scratch. You wouldn’t imagine that your partner should “just know” where your back is itching, nor would you chastise your partner for not knowing where the scratch is. And yet, this is exactly what we do when it comes to sex. Rather than communicate directly about what we like, where we like it, and how, we have the expectation that our partner should “just know.” Just as communication is necessary if you need someone to scratch your back, it’s necessary when you want someone to know what you want/need in a sexual encounter.
Have you been holding onto any of these commonly held sexual myths? If so, are you open to considering other perspectives and approaches now? Consider taking this information and sharing it with a partner.
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When we talk about our health, people often think about their physical or mental health. Sexual health, however, is one component of wellness that often gets overlooked. This workshop will help you understand what sexual health is, and it will describe the different dimensions that make up our overall sexual health.
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Written by: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
Melissa is the Founder of LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland, and she is a Certified Brainspotter and Brainspotting Consultant who specializes in treating depression, anxiety, trauma, and sex therapy.
Photo Credit: Ketut Subiyanto and Andres Ayrton
Date of download: 8/11/2022
