Mindfulness and Thanksgiving
As a therapist at LifeSpring, one of the most commonly requested techniques that my clients ask for is mindfulness. Mindfulness, is the practice of deep breathing or other mental exercises that focus one’s awareness on the present moment and observing one’s thoughts, feelings and sensations without judgement. This practice makes it easier for one to become aware of their preset modes of thinking and behaving which I commonly refer to as “autopilot modes.” Autopilot is our default way of existing in the world, and it operates according to one’s existing beliefs, which are usually derived from personal experiences throughout our lives.
Have you ever driven all the way to a familiar destination and realized that you have no idea how you got there? You were likely in autopilot mode. In instances like this, autopilot can be very helpful as it allows us to multitask and be more productive. However, our autopilot mode can be harmful to use if the information that is fueling a particular autopilot function is based on a negative life experience or false information. For example, if someone has been told by their parents that they are unlovable, their autopilot mode will begin to tell them that they are unlovable and they will likely feel unhappy and tend to isolate from others. Mindfulness exercises give us an opportunity to examine this mode as well as the option to change the things in our autopilot mode that we don’t like or that don’t help us in our day to day lives.
Around this time of year, many of my clients come to me for help with managing the stresses that come along with the Thanksgiving holiday. In the spirit of mindfulness, I encourage people to examine their autopilot assumptions and challenge the beliefs (and accompanying behaviors) that may be making the holiday less healthy or more stressful. I have noticed two reoccurring autopilot assumptions related to Thanksgiving that I’d like to share along with mindfulness-based recommendations to help make this a happier and healthier holiday.
Autopilot Assumption #1
“Everyone needs to be happy for this to be a
successful holiday.”
In some ways, I love this idea because it comes from such a good-hearted and thoughtful place. Of course, as Thanksgiving hosts we would love to please everyone, but unfortunately this is often not realistic. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make effort to make this a great holiday for everyone. However, it is important to remember that if you have made said effort and somebody isn’t enjoying themselves, it likely has nothing to do with you.
Unfortunately, this is a stressful time of year for many, and it can bring up a lot for people even when the accommodations are beyond wonderful and amazing. If you have done your best to create a great holiday for others and someone is complaining or doing something else to make their dissatisfaction known, it may help to verbalize: “I have done my very best here and I am only responsible for my own emotions.” If you have a tendency towards this belief, it may be helpful to do an intention setting exercise on the morning of Thanksgiving.
Take a few minutes to find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably to set your intentions. Take some deep breaths and orient yourself to the present moment by focusing on your breath. Close your eyes if you like and complete the following sentence with an affirmation that is fitting to you “Today, I will……” You can complete this with phrases like: “be accepting of others’ experience without judgement,” “radiate love and happiness even when it is not received by others,” “find happiness in knowing that I’ve done my best even if others don’t recognize it.” You may generate several phrases or focus on one phrase in particular.
Notice how repeating these words makes you feel..do they make you feel lighter? More attuned to your purpose of creating a great holiday? If you find a word or phrase that provokes a strong positive emotional response, repeat or elaborate on it to increase the positive response. If you stray away from repeating your affirmation phrases, do not worry. Simply notice that your focus has shifted and redirect back to your affirmations.
After a few minutes (take as long as you like, there is no “right” or “wrong” time limit), you may conclude your intention setting by committing to action related to your affirmations. For example, you may say “Today, I commit to being loving and compassionate towards others even if my efforts are not recognized.” Throughout the day, if you find yourself getting distant from your commitment, repeat your commitment to yourself (you don’t need to speak it out loud. You may if you like, however.). If needed, you may excuse yourself and revisit your intention setting exercise for a few minutes as this often rejuvenates the intention and associated commitment.
Autopilot Assumption #2
“I ALWAYS eat so unhealthy around this time of year.”
With mindful eating, one eats their food very slowly, savoring all aspects of the experience. For example, you may take a small piece of a desired food and appreciate the way it feels in your hand, hold it up to your nose and deeply inhale and appreciate the fragrance/aroma before you place it in your mouth. As you place it in your mouth, notice how it feels first against your lips and then notice how it feels inside your mouth. Slowly move it around on your tongue and notice how it tastes slightly different on different parts of your tongue (did you know you have different taste receptors on different parts of your tongue?). Savor and enjoy the experience and take care not to swallow immediately. Enjoy the sensation of chewing the food until ready to swallow and gently swallow once complete. Slowing down and taking time to notice all the fulfillment that you can get from one bite of food can make eating a small piece of pie just as enjoyable as quickly devouring a large slice.
Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude this Thanksgiving
I know that there are many more negative or unhealthy autopilot assumptions that people associated with Thanksgiving, but I hope that my elaborations and recommendations on these two were helpful. These techniques can be applied at any time of the year in several other settings, so feel free to apply them in other situations if you think that they would be helpful.
I’d like to make one last recommendation that is very relevant to both Thanksgiving and the practice of mindfulness. This recommendation is to practice gratitude throughout the day on this holiday. It’s interesting that gratitude is technically the basis of this holiday but is so often forgotten as we’re preparing for/celebrating Thanksgiving. In my family, we have a tradition of sharing what we are grateful for as part of the dinner each year. We have done it in different ways in the past ranging from simply going around the table and stating what we are grateful for to purchasing fun props such as Turkey On The Table. If you’ve never heard of Turkey On the Table, you can check it out here: https://turkeyonthetable.com/.
With this and in conclusion, I’d like to share that one of the things that I am incredibly grateful for is being able to share and participate in the healing process of my clients. I feel so lucky and privileged that people trust me enough to be vulnerable and share their lives with me during our sessions while allowing me to offer support and guidance. From mine to yours, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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Written by: Christopher Carman, LCPC
Photo Credit: Element5 Digital on Unsplash
Date of Download: 11/12/2019
