Growing Around Grief: Connection Matters
Grief can often be described as a natural experience associated with the feelings and behaviors that exist after a death. This experience can extend to other hard, tough life events too, however. Events like the end of relationships, change of jobs, relocations, retirement, kids moving out of the home, end of an event, a health diagnosis, medical procedure, a natural disaster, a global pandemic, or an oppressive system can shake up someone’s life. Any of these can feel all consuming especially if it is unexpected, or we feel unprepared for the change.
A popular researcher, Dr. Lois Tonkin, in the 1990’s wrote about a grief model called Growing Around Grief. This model challenges the notion that we heal from grief symptoms as a stage model or simply by having time pass by. Simply put, this model states that our world grows around our grief. The grief itself doesn’t get smaller but stays the same. This can feel validating to grievers since our grief isn’t all negative; it is often our love, memories, and past/future expectations. By being open and experiencing life, our grief doesn’t feel as all consuming. For most, connection is a great place to start.
Ideas on how to help our world grow
Connect with loved ones. Reach out to friends, family, and other supports. Spend time in meaningful ways by celebrating life events, hobbies, and other interests.
Connect with pets. Animals are great companions and add joy to our lives. If you don’t have any pets, ask a friend or family member for a visit with their pet. Animal shelters often have volunteer hours or ways to give back.
Connect with a job/career. A job can be a place where you spend many hours a day and a week. See if there is a new task or project that sparks your interest.
Connect with a passion. For some, a job is their passion. For others, this may look like donating or supporting a cause they care about.
Connect with hobbies/interests. During a life change, this may be the perfect time to try something new and different. Always wanted to join a book club, start pottery, or run a marathon? This is your chance!
Connect with the environment. Spend time outdoors with friends, family, or trying a new hobby. Being outdoors is often a great reminder that the world can feel bigger than ourselves. Traveling to a new place, town, city, or country can often bring clarity to our day to day lives.
Connect with supporters. Wondering about trying therapy or seeking answers from a medical professional? Life transitions and grief work is a common theme in counseling and therapists can help with meeting goals and processing feelings and behaviors.
If you are currently grieving a loss, I hope you’ll find some of these concepts and strategies helpful. If you are a Marylander who is looking for professional support to work through grief and loss, our team of Maryland therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services would be happy to help.
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If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
Here’s how you can get started! Online and in-person counseling for grief and loss isn’t the only service offered at our Baltimore, MD office.
The counselors and social workers at our Maryland office also offer counseling services for trauma, grief and loss, boundary setting, communication skills, and difficult life transitions. We also offer specialized counseling services including Brainspotting and spiritually-integrated counseling. Because we are located next to several local universities, we also work with college students and international students.
Written by: Ashley Swift, LCPC
Ashley is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Clinical Supervisor who provides individual therapy to adults dealing with grief and loss. She also supports individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, and other big emotions.
