Not My Therapist’s Keeper: A Guide for Therapists to Enjoy Therapy as the Client
If you think about it, your doctor probably has a doctor and that doctor probably also has a doctor. Your teacher had a teacher who was taught by another teacher. Your mailman has a mailman who has a mailman and your dentist has a dentist…who has a dentist!
So, why is it harder for therapists to see or talk about their own therapists?
Chances are, you entered this field because you had a really amazing therapist, or a pretty lousy one. There can be that “I want to be like them and demonstrate the same quality care” mentality or there can be the mentality of, “I don’t want anyone to have to deal with what I had to, just to find quality mental health care.”
Regardless, at one time or another, therapy has likely somehow influenced a therapist’s life before they went to school or met their first client.
The Circle of Therapy
I remember discussing a topic with my own therapist one day when I was in graduate school and not even an hour later, a client brought up the same topic with me. They had stated that they felt no one else worried about their concern and I remember asking, “How would you feel if I told you that I expressed the same concern with my own therapist this morning?”
They gave me a funny look and I immediately started thinking:
Why did I say that?
I shouldn’t have said that!
What was I thinking?
The client then smiled, laughed, and said, “Then, I’d really say you get it and me.”
I remember feeling relieved that it had gone over well, but stayed away from that territory for a while, until I had to see a new therapist. In our intake, she had told me not only about her own therapist, but also where her therapist was located!
I realized then, that therapists see therapists so they can continue to be better therapists.
In fact, I began to see it as its own circle of life. I, as a therapist, explore my struggles, strengths, values, and trauma with another therapist, who then does the same with another. All, so we can be our most authentic and unburdened selves with our clients.
That being said, being a therapist in therapy as the client can be difficult in other senses too.
Pay No Attention to the Illusion of the Therapist
If you think about your favorite fantasy movies, they are some of your favorites because of their illusion of magic and other worldliness. But, to the actors in that film, they will never be able to experience the film like you because they were there in front of the green screens, in the special effects makeup trailers, and saw the scenes unfold before they reached the editing room.
Being a therapist can feel similar because you know what it feels like to be on the other side of the room (or computer screen), with a notebook and treatment plan in hand. You know the counseling skills, the research, and diagnostic manual.
Once you train to be a therapist, that magical illusion of therapy and what a therapist can do is gone. You know the real aspect of therapy, which is that, your therapist probably struggles with something similar, and they do not have it all figured out. Your therapist also has to keep an eye on the clock, hold ethical considerations near, and be mindful of their mistakes or oversights.
As a therapist who regularly attends therapy, I often find myself keeping an eye on the clock, watching my tone in how I might disagree with my therapist, or being mindful of how much air time I am taking. I do this because I know what it can feel like to be running out of time in a session, how it can be disappointing to miss the mark on something a client says, or the discomfort of having to interrupt a client.
However, as I do this, I realize that I am trying to take care of my therapist, when I am paying them to help me take care of me!
If you are like me, or struggle to fully relax in your own therapy because you are also a therapist, going to therapy can feel like another social interaction where you are caring for others. While caring for others feels amazing (it is why we are in this field to begin with), it can also cause burnout (which feels not-so amazing).
Switching Roles
To keep yourself mindful of therapy and being mindful of your time as the client, try remembering these five things:
This is your time to be vulnerable, disclose openly, and heard.
Your therapist knows you know their side of the session and does not expect you to be a therapist when you are the client.
You do not need to show how much you know. Learn about what you don’t!
You cannot be the perfect therapist, so you can’t be the perfect client either.
Being a genuine and open client helps you also understand the experiences of your own clients, as much as being a therapist helps you understand your own therapist.
As you start to remember these facts, you release yourself of the role of being a fellow therapist.
Expand Your Role
When you drop the role of being a fellow therapist for one hour a week, you can then leave more room to take on the role of being a person who appreciates therapy because you know both sides of the room. You can strengthen your inner awareness, re-energize yourself, and expand upon your role as a therapist.
And, if you’re a client, maybe that great insight your therapist gave you, actually came from their therapist!
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Interested in Online & In-Person Counseling for Burnout and Compassion Fatigue?
If you’re a Marylander who knows that counseling is the direction you need to take, the therapists at LifeSpring Counseling Services are here to help. We offer online counseling services for mindfulness, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief and loss. We also offer Brainspotting as a specialized service, and Brainspotting can be done online, too!
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Written by: Sophie Koch, LGPC
Sophie is a LifeSpring therapist who offers online and in-person counseling services to adolescents and adults (15 and up) to offer help with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, trauma, and mood disorders.
