Practicing Acceptance During the Holidays: Therapeutic Support for Maryland Adults
The holidays can be full of contradictions: Time off leaves us exhausted, fun and social gatherings feel lonely or isolating, and small talk turns into big debates with politics, religion, or world affairs. If we acknowledge that contradictions do and will abound whether we want them to or not - like heaping portions or inflatable lawn decorations - we can start to practice acceptance to shrink the discomfort of contradictory environments.
Acceptance does not equal agreement
It’s not always easy to catch ourselves falling into uncomfortable conversations and interactions with others. Often we are in them before we know it. Accepting what someone says or thinks does not mean we necessarily agree with their opinions, beliefs, or actions. Acceptance means we simply acknowledge and recognize the opinions, beliefs, or actions of others. We also recognize the autonomy of others to have their own feelings and beliefs.
If and when the opinions of others are at odds with our own deeply held beliefs, practicing acceptance is challenging. However, it is very important to remember that we ourselves have our own unique histories and autonomy of feelings and thoughts. Acknowledging the autonomy of others can put us back in touch with our own sense of choice and agency.
Acceptance is for our feelings, too
The practice of acceptance can have positive long-term benefits as well as helping to navigate momentary struggles. When we find ourselves in difficult conversations often our emotions can run hot. Noticing how our bodies feel - a clenched jaw, tight shoulders or back, feeling flushed - can give us a heads-up that we may be unhappy and upset with how things are going at the moment. Listening to our bodies is also listening to our feelings. In moments like these the practice of noticing and then accepting our feelings without judgement is a step into feeling more in control.
Again, this is not about agreement or even liking what is being said, it’s about acceptance of how we feel, how we are responding, and even what our thoughts are. Self-awareness is the first step to self-acceptance.
Accept that you might need a break
It’s simple to accept that some things we can’t change – like the frosty weather and perhaps the cost of eggs – when they are big or clearly beyond reach. It’s stickier to accept that there are some things that we can’t change in those around us, especially when in those close to us - what people think, what they say, and what they do. The key to acceptance is understanding what we can and cannot change.
To step back and examine if we are trying to change something we can’t, take a breather to get some distance. When we sense ourselves (through our bodies, thoughts, or feelings) being pulled in a direction we don’t like, oftentimes the best thing to do is to take a break or a time out. Even taking just a couple of minutes to walk away from a brewing argument can work wonders in giving us time to connect with ourselves, take a few deep breathes, poke a head outside for a sniff of cool air.
Giving ourselves the grace of time for acceptance leading to self-acceptance, brings us to the self-compassion, which is among the most valuable of gifts we can provide ourselves.
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Written by: David Cloutier, Counseling Intern
