When You Don't Implement Healthy Coping Strategies Between Your Therapy Sessions
In the counseling world, we’re big on teaching people new coping strategies that they can use to replace old, unhealthy ways of coping or to manage symptoms that are brought on by depression, anxiety, trauma, and other mental health conditions. Implementing new coping strategies can be quite the challenge, and it’s something that we see often as therapists. In counseling sessions, we’re often introducing new coping strategies, but we find that these coping strategies are not necessarily getting implemented between sessions.
I like to remind people that if you have a tool in your toolbox but you never pick it up and use it, that tool is ultimately of no use. The tool works, but it only works if someone picks it up and puts it to use. Unfortunately, sometimes we can come to the conclusion that a particular coping strategy doesn’t actually work when the reality is that the coping strategy does work, but it only works if we apply it.
In general, we can sometimes be big consumers of information. We want to read the self-help books and gather all of the information. This is certainly one step, but consuming and collecting information without actually applying it will not change our situation. If we want to create change in our lives we have to take the next step of implementing the new information that we have received.
As a counselor, I’ve come to learn that it’s really important for me to be asking about the coping strategies that people used in the difficult situations they experienced since our last session. When we dig into this conversation, we often find that a coping strategy was not used, and that conversation provides us with another reminder of how we can be implementing some of these new coping strategies in real-world situations. This statement is not a judgment, but rather a reminder of how important it is for all of us to have accountability and support as we try on new behaviors. Behavior change is hard! Trying on new behaviors is hard too!
I often find that in times of stress, we revert back to ways of coping that are familiar, even if those ways of coping are ultimately not helpful. An example of this might be drinking after a long, hard day at work rather than listening to your body and giving it what it might really need (i.e. rest, relaxation, and/or movement). As we’re learning new ways of responding and coping, it’s important to remind ourselves that we need to practice these new strategies as we go about our day. We need to remember that our coping skills are intended for those very moments of stress.
In the recovery world, there’s a common saying that, “it works when you work it.” This same concept can be said of our coping strategies, that they work when we work them! It is true that people will prefer some healthy coping strategies over others (and that’s totally normal!). As we often say, “Take what you need and leave the rest.” What is important is that we find coping strategies that we like and that we take the steps to use them on a regular basis.
So…how are you doing with implementing your coping strategies? Are you in the phase of life where you’re not familiar with healthy coping strategies?
If that’s the case, reading books on that topic and/or participating in counseling can definitely help. If you have already been introduced to a number of coping strategies, how are you doing with implementing them? If you’re struggling in this area, be sure to discuss it with your therapist. They can help talk with you about strategies for implementing these strategies and for creating reminders on how/when to use them.
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Written by: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
Melissa is the Founder of LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland, and she is a Certified Brainspotter and Brainspotting Consultant who specializes in treating depression, anxiety, trauma, and sex therapy.
Photo Credit: SHVETS Production, Mizuno K, George Milton, and cottonbro
Date of download: 9/29/2022
