Politics at the Table: Tips for Handling Family Differences
From a very young age, I was told who to vote for and how to vote, both by my parents and by the church. Although they would never outrightly say “ VOTE RED” the undertones were definitely a strong shade of pink. I would hear phrases like “ I’m not telling you who to vote for, but vote for the leader that stands for life” or “vote for the candidate who upholds Biblical principles,” phrases that would make it seem you were a “bad” Christian for voting anything other than Conservative.
It took years for me to break away from the group think mentality, and it's been difficult to navigate family relationships because of it. It can be really difficult to navigate close relationships with family members who see the world completely differently. It can be challenging to not want to attack every word that comes out of their mouth or retaliate in a way that pushes us farther from a close relationship with the people we care most about.
This last election created a divide. For the first time, it wasn’t about Red vs. Blue, it was about humanity and the loss of human rights. With the inauguration just days away, it has been difficult to come to the realization that certain human rights may not be rights for much longer. I’ve had friends cut off family members and relationships because the threat of loss of human rights wasn’t enough to change their vote. I’ve toyed with the idea of cutting off my family, but when I take a minute to think about the reality of losing my family, the weight and gravity is too much to handle. So how does one navigate relationships with people who share vastly different morals and beliefs? Very carefully and with your mental health at the forefront.
Something I have found extremely helpful is asking people to repeat what they say or responding with phrases that get them to think about what was actually being said. Phrases like “What an interesting thing to say out loud,” or "That's an interesting way to think, do you really believe that?” not only allows the speaker to think about what they said, but it also forces them to process what they said through repetition and reflection. You’re essentially throwing water on a fire, rather than fueling the flame with combative reasoning because let’s face it, arguing gets us nowhere.
Another practice I’ve found to be helpful is grounding through mindfulness exercises. Diaphragmatic breathing, sensory activities like the 5-4-3-2-1 activity or walking barefoot through nature have powerful results and can help to regulate breathing and the nervous system before engaging in difficult conversations.
Setting boundaries is also an important practice. Yes, set boundaries with your parents and loved ones. It’s okay. I’ve had to set topic boundaries with my family for the sake of my mental health. We can have a relationship on the grounds of never bringing up x, y, and z in conversation. They might not understand why, but it could open the door for some deeper conversations that might surprise you.
Recognize you can’t change them. It is not your job nor your responsibility to change the minds of others, but actions speak louder than words. Your actions and the way you show up in your relationships says more than anything you could say. So show up and model how to hold a productive conversation with the adults in your life. Ask questions that make them pause and think, allow them time to reflect and process how they handle themselves in difficult conversations while allowing space for growth.
Lastly, it’s always helpful to talk to someone about the challenges you face, both internally and relationally with others. Connecting with a therapist is a great way to help you process, explore and practice difficult conversations within the confines of a safe space. Our therapists are here to provide the safe space you need to process, explore and practice new strategies that can help navigate difficult familial relationships and social conversations.
If you are interested in starting a conversation with a therapist, head over to our therapist page or email hello@lifespringcounseling.net to be set up with a therapist today!
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Written by: Ali Miller, Counseling Intern
