Navigating Change and Loneliness: A Baltimore Counseling Intern’s Reflections on The Banshees of Inisherin
NOTE: The blog below contains spoilers for The Banshees of Inisherin. Please proceed with that knowledge.
“Some things there’s no moving on from. And I think that’s a good thing.”
Life always seems to pull us straight out of our comfort zone, plucking away the people and routines we feel are comfortable with. Whenever these transitions happen, the adjustment to a “new” life can be jarring. The 2022 film The Banshees of Inisherin takes a stark look at how three different men navigate difficult transitions in their lives. The film follows Pádraic, a man living on the island of Inisherin whose best friend, Colm, recently told Pádraic he no longer wanted to be friends with Pádraic because Pádraic was “boring.” The subsequent events draw on the different reactions that people can have to such a major transition as the ending of a friendship. Both Pádraic and Colm battle with various struggles of depression, loneliness, and adjustment. Each takes their own journey throughout the film, but we can find a lesson in the portrayal of mental health from each character.
Themes of loneliness, isolation, grief, and loss in The Banshees of Inisherin
Starting with Pádraic, his story is the main focus on the film. Pádraic faces intense loneliness and isolation when Colm decides he wants to break off their friendship. Immediately, Pádraic begins to spiral. He refuses to accept the reality of Colm’s decisions and pushes the boundary that Colm has drawn. For Pádraic, Colm was the only friend on an island filled with deeply rooted people. Once that relationship is severed, he feels lost and hopeless in the search for a new life, desperately trying to cling to what little attention Colm will give him.
When watching the film, Pádraic’s experience of losing a friend feels like we lose a part of ourselves as well. It reminds us of how difficult it can feel to go through a change alone. Throughout the film, we as viewers are always reminded of how small the island of Inisherin is and how vast the world beyond it is. Loneliness can feel exactly this way: as though we are trapped on an island with limited options around us. Instead of being able to branch out, you try to rekindle what you once had because that is what is comfortable. That is what is known. But the reality is, as Pádraic discovers, some things are out of our control. We must learn how to cope and adapt to changes and learn how to find meaning in our islands.
We cannot internalize the negative messages others send us either. One of the most poignant scenes of the film involves Pádraic defending that he is “nice” and that he likes that trait about him, despite Colm using his niceness as a reason to end the friendship. It takes Pádraic the entire movie, and some questionable decisions, but he finally comes to terms with the fact that his “niceness” is not the problem, some people are meant to drift apart. We cannot let the decisions and circumstances of other people define who we are. The best we can do is keep moving forward, even though that can be really hard when dealing with people you love!
Depression’s many forms
The character of Colm also provides a lot we can learn about mental health, especially in the realm of male portrayals of depression. We often think of depression as someone who is lacking energy, having dark thoughts, or being constantly sad. The reality is, depression can take so many different forms or manifestations, especially in men. Colm is an excellent portrayal of this complicated picture of depression. Initially, it seems like Colm just simply wants to pursue new relationships and hobbies without Pádraic, so he decides to cut off their friendship.
However, as the story develops, it is clear that Colm is struggling too. Colm decides to pivot and throw all of energy and time into building a legacy. He develops this existential dread centered around being remembered. Because of this, Colm takes drastic measures to change his life, including ending a major friendship and eventually, cutting off his fingers. In many ways, Colm represents many of the aspects of men’s depression people often fail to recognize. Colm opts to change the things within his power and dive into work, rather than dealing with the ruminating thoughts that are haunting him. Ultimately, Colm creates his own island within an island, isolating Pádraic, Pádraic’s sister, and all of the social support he once had in pursuit of his goal to form a legacy, hurting Pádraic along the way. Men often also walk into their own patterns of destruction to cope with symptoms of depression without realizing the root of the problem, which can be damaging both to oneself and others.
Final thoughts
As this blog comes to an end, I want to circle back around to the feelings of isolation that both Pádraic and Colm feel throughout the film. In a small environment, like Inisherin, it can feel hard to find connection, like every option has been attempted and you are stuck in a cycle of loneliness. Especially for men, who are not always taught how to form genuine connections or seek help outside of their comfort zone, this isolation can be devastating.
I related a lot to these characters in their quest for connection and legacy. Baltimore can be a difficult place to break into. The reputation of “Smalltimore” reminds me a lot of the size of Inisherin in the film. People are very deeply rooted here and it can feel impossible to find a place you belong as an outsider, or even someone growing through a major change. As difficult as it can be, Pádraic’s discovery that it is impossible to move on from some things is important. We take the lessons we have learned and the challenges we have faced, and carry them with us forward. It is perfectly valid to never “move on” but still move forward, a complexity that we all are reluctant to learn.
The Banshees of Inisherin looks into male loneliness and depression in a stark, and real way that we often do not see in the media. Make no mistake, this is not a happy movie by any means. The characters go through their own journeys and end up at different places by the end, some of them relatively dark. However, for people experiencing loneliness or struggling to adjust to a major transition, it can provide validation to see loneliness expressed in such a raw way.
The good news is that there are always resources and ways to navigate these difficult times in life. Whether it is navigating the Smalltimore social scene, or trying to cope with a change in relationships, there is always a new thing to try. If you resonate with anything in this blog, or watch the movie and feel seen by the depictions of mental health, please consider seeking help. Just having another ear to listen to you can provide a lot more support than you realize.
The Banshees of Inisherin was directed by Martin McDonagh and produced by Blueprint Pictures and Film4.
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Written by: Jackson Borchers, Counseling Intern at LifeSpring Counseling Services
