Ep 06: What To Do If You And Your New Therapist Are Not a Good Fit?
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Are you a Maryland resident looking for therapy services?
Resources
8 Questions to Ask a New Therapist — Worksheet
Making the Most of Therapy Journal — Paperback
Transcript:
Welcome to the Starting Therapy Podcast Series. I’m your host, Melissa Wesner, Founder and Owner of LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland where our mission is to provide hope, healing, and empowerment through the collaborative process of counseling. This podcast is for anyone who is thinking about signing up for therapy! Let’s dive in!
Hello again!
I hope you’re finding the information we’ve been covering so far helpful as you make your way towards starting therapy. As we’ve been saying during this series, it’s really important that you find a provider with the training and experience to help you navigate the issues that you want to work on. On top of the therapist’s training and experience, it’s important that you feel a good connection with that therapist.
Perhaps you are seeking a therapist for trauma, and you’ve found yourself a trauma therapist. Great! But just because the therapist you found is experienced in treating trauma, doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel a good connection with them. If you’re not feeling a connection, there’s no need to judge that.
Today we’re going to be talking about what you can do if you aren’t feeling a connection with your therapist.
#1 Be honest.
First and foremost Be honest with yourself if you don’t feel connected with your therapist. From there, you can also let your therapist know this, so the two of you can talk about this and explore it. Do you not feel connected because it’s not a good personality fit? Is the therapeutic approach that the therapist is not using a good fit for you?
Open, honest communication is essential when working with a therapist. You are not there to please your therapist. You're paying this person, after all. Who wants to sign up for a service where you feel like you have to please the person. If you’re not doing well. Say so. If you didn’t do a homework assignment, say so. If you don’t like a particular intervention your therapist used. Say so. If you feel bothered by something your therapist said, say so. You and your therapist may be able to work through some of these things to form a better therapeutic relationship. In other cases, though, it just may not be a good fit, AND that’s OK.
#2 Terminate / Don’t Ghost
Some very common issues many people end up working on in therapy are assertiveness, boundaries, confidence, and/or communication. When you’re just not feeling the work you’re doing with a particular therapist, let them know directly.
I know…we sometimes worry about hurting other people’s feelings. Remember Brene Brown’s popular saying, “To be clear is kind.” That applies here. If you want to discontinue your work with a particular therapist, say so. Let them know that you would like to discontinue therapy. You can say that in your session. You can say that in an email. Just make sure that you say it. This is an opportunity for you practice assertive communication, and you’ll get to do so with someone who is likely a safer person to do that with.
Why do we recommend this? Ghosting is a real thing in the therapy world. When people ghost their therapist, therapists worry about them. Did you know this? Your therapist will worry about you if you don’t show up for a scheduled session, AND, they will hunt you down. If you don’t show up, expect a few phone calls or emails from them trying to figure out where you’re at. They want to know that you’re ok. AND….therapists are people too…Sometimes therapists worry that they’ve done or said something offensive, and that’s why you’re missing in action. It’s better for everyone involved when you just rip the bandaid off and speak honestly. And…if you let your therapist know that you want to discontinue therapy with them, and if you communicate the reason why, they can help provide you with other referrals that might be more appropriate for you. At the end of the day, therapists want what is best for you, and if that means you working with another therapist who is a better fit, then, GREAT!
Speaking of termination and endings, this is the end of our podcast series on starting therapy! If you haven’t already made the decision to start therapy, I hope this podcast series has given you the information you need to take action.
Thanks for spending your time with me, and know that our team at LifeSpring is here to help however we can! If you’re a Marylander looking for online counseling services, just give us a call or go to our website at lifespringcounseling.net. If you made the decision to start therapy as a result of this podcast series, please reach out and let me know.
Thanks for listening to the Starting Therapy Podcast Series. If you’re a Maryland resident looking for online counseling services, or if you’re someone who is looking for Brainspotting, check out our website at lifespringcounseling.net or give us a call at 410-497-8451. We have great resources for you in the show notes too! We’re here to support you as you make the decision to start therapy!
