Ep 05: Building Rapport With Your Therapist and Questions to Ask Yourself
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Are you a Maryland resident looking for therapy services?
Resources
8 Questions to Ask a New Therapist — Worksheet
Making the Most of Therapy Journal — Paperback
Transcript:
Welcome to the Starting Therapy Podcast Series. I’m your host, Melissa Wesner, Founder and Owner of LifeSpring Counseling Services in Maryland where our mission is to provide hope, healing, and empowerment through the collaborative process of counseling. This podcast is for anyone who is thinking about signing up for therapy! Let’s dive in!
Hello again! Today’s starting therapy episode is about BUILDING RAPPORT! Building rapport is essentially the process of building a positive relationship between you and your therapist. You may not realize this yet, but this is a VERY important topic, and here is why.
Often times, the creators of a particular treatment modality want to show that their treatment modality is better or more effective than the others. Researchers try studying these treatment modalities to see which one is more effective, but you know what????? Research consistently shows that the single most important predictor of successful outcomes is therapy is having a positive working relationship with your therapist!!! Isn’t that interesting? Let me say that again in case you missed it! The single most important predictor of successful outcomes in therapy is having a positive working relationship with your therapist!!!! You NEED to feel comfortable with your therapist to get the most of therapy. You need to feel comfortable. You need to feel like you can share honestly. You need to be able to trust your provider and feel good about them and the work that you are doing.
Some of this can be a little subjective, so please know that that is OK.
A provider who is FANTASTIC for one person may not be the BEST fit for someone else. For example, we sometimes have people who get referred to our office by friends or family members. Sometimes they want to work with the same therapist as their friend or family member because their friend or family member has said great things about their therapist. And, that’s great, and we’re always so glad to hear that! What we like to let people know, though, is that we want to help make sure we’re finding the person who’s the right fit for them. The person who’s a great fit for your friend or family member might not be a great fit for you.
For example, perhaps your friend really values a therapist who will challenge them and call them on their stuff. For you, however, that sounds like a terrible time. Perhaps that approach is not gentle enough for you, or perhaps that would make you feel a little defensive. For this reason, it’s important that we find someone who is a good fit for you. So…pay attention to how you’re feeling with a particular therapist.
It can be hard to tell how you feel about someone after one session alone, but that first session or two should give you an idea of what it would be like to work with someone, and that time should give you an idea of how it feels to be in the room with this person. In cases like this, it’s OK to trust your instincts and to trust how you’re feeling.
Let me give you an example.
Year ago I attended this Blending conference where they were presenting studies that they wanted to introduce to clinicians, the people who could use this information.
They talked about a study in which clients were asked to choose the picture of the therapist who looked MOST like THEIR therapist. On the screen were two side-by-side pictures of a woman that looked identical. I simply could not tell the difference, and I don’t know that anyone else in the audience could either. Interestingly enough, however, the client in this study WERE able to tell the difference, and they WERE able to pick the picture of the person who most looked like their therapist.
The only difference between these 2 pictures? The dilation of the pupils of the woman’s eyes. You see, the clients who worked with judgmental and critical therapists picked the one picture, and the clients who worked with warm and empathic therapists picked the other.
So, all that to say…don’t second guess yourself. Pay attention to how you feel with your therapist. And….be honest about how you’re feeling about your sessions so far.
When you start working with your new therapist, pay attention to how you feel. Does conversation feel easy flowing. Do you feel supported, Do you get a sense that this person knows what they’re doing and how to help you. Is this person giving you what they’re looking for…are they attentive, do you get the sense that they understand and “get” you and what you’re going through. Do they give you the level of feedback, information, challenge, or coping strategies that you are looking for? At the start of therapy, it’s important to let your therapist know what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for someone who will be gentle, say that. If you’re looking for someone who will challenge you, say that. This helps your therapist better understand how to work with you.
At LifeSpring, we like to check in with people at the end of their first session to see how they’re feeling about our time together so far. There’s only so much you can cover in a first session, although we like to check in to gauge how someone is feeling about things so far.
It can be hard to trust how you’re feeling if you’ve never been in counseling before. Perhaps you don’t know what to expect or you don’t know how a therapy session “should” feel. Don’t overthink this.
And, on this note, it’s important to know that there’s a distinction between having a strong and positive working relationship with your therapist and having sessions that feel good. You can have a strong working relationship with your therapist and have therapy sessions that feel really difficult because you’re working through difficult content. That’s OK. Therapy sessions won’t always feel good, BUT….it’s important that you feel GOOD about the person you are working with while working through things that feel really bad.
I hope this information was helpful today, and I look forward to spending more time together during our next (and LAST) episode on what to do if it’s not a good fit.
Thanks for listening to the Starting Therapy Podcast Series. If you’re a Maryland resident looking for online counseling services, or if you’re someone who is looking for Brainspotting, check out our website at lifespringcounseling.net or give us a call at 410-497-8451. We have great resources for you in the show notes too! We’re here to support you as you make the decision to start therapy!
