How to Effectively Connect with Your Partner Using Stress-Reducing Conversations
Some couples find that they naturally develop rituals like a hug or a kiss when they part ways at the start of the day and when they reunite. It’s easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of the day, however, so many couples can benefit from developing intentional rituals in their day. One such ritual developed by John and Julie Gottman at The Gottman Institute is known as the “Stress Reducing Conversation.”
The Stress Reducing Conversation
The stress reducing conversation requires only 20 minutes of time, and it’s an opportunity for couples to reconnect at the end of the work day. Stress reducing conversations are also an opportunity for couples to stay connected throughout a busy work week. If you’re interested in giving stress reducing conversations a try, here are the steps:
Put away all distractions and electronic devices.
Take turns sharing (10 minutes of sharing per person for a total of 20 minutes)
As the listener, show interest and curiosity.
As the speaker, let your partner know how your day went. Let them know what’s on your mind.
While these stress-reducing conversations are pretty simple, there are a few things that you should not do.
Do not:
Go into fix-it mode and try fixing your partner’s problem. Trust that your partner is intelligent and that they likely just need to share and feel heard and validated at this time.
Complain about your partner or problems in the relationship during this time. This is a stress-reducing conversation, but it won’t be if you use this time to complain about your partner.
Ready to Try the Stress-Reducing Conversations For Yourself?
I encourage you to talk with your partner about stress-reducing conversations. Decide on a specific location and time when you can hold these conversations. This might be while having a glass of wine on the back porch after work or while having a cup of herbal tea after dinner. Whatever you decide, make it a ritual and something to look forward to. If you get into the rhythm of consistently holding stress-reducing conversations, let us know how it turned out.
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Written by: Melissa Wesner, LCPC
Photo Credit: Pavel Danilyuk, Ketut Subiyanto, and Tim Samuel
Date of download: 7/22/2022
